Feb Thirteenth

 Assalamualaikum, I'm back here again to rant. 

Adulting sucks. I love what I'm doing rn to get my source of income but pushing my self to the level best, you already push and boss expect to push lagi, I dont know what else he wants. Kalau air mata aku yang bertakung ni lagi tak cukup untuk bagitahu dia yang my work is overload then my resignation letter probably will. I challenged myself to stay until the end of this year. I will learn as much as I can, take the challenge, cry and get back up again, and try to complete all my current construction project I'm working on right now, six of them to be exact. If by the end of this year gaji tak naik at least half I will move to grow kat tempat lain or grow sendiri and not working for someone else anymore. Babe I sound selfish, but I dah push my level best working from 8 - 5 every single day then bos said apa yang aku buat tak give impact pun like wth? "Then if you have to work long hours then you should work long hours" "I don't care". Wehhh hahhaha. I work to live, bukan nya live to work. Dah la sabtu pun kerja, hahhaha. 

My energy should be spent on things that benefit me, not draining me. I'm writing this so that I will know this exact feeling later on when I wanna be lazy, this is the exhaustion feeling kerja bawah orang. You have no choice but if you are working on your own, you malas, it will impact directly on you, you rajin it will impact directly on you jugak. Kepuasan tu you sendiri yang rasa. 

Aku terasa sebenarnya, aku kerja hari hari, for this project and that project and basically semua project. Babe orang lain handle in the beginning je or masa tertentu je aku handle across the projects, every single problem kena ambik tahu, kena faham, kena tahu solution, kena follow up orang, dah instruct lepastu nak follow up pulak, nak monitor pula if diorg follow plan or not, attend lots of meetings, then report pulak, defects pulak, drawing keluar masuk pun aku handle, lepastu yang jenis member tak nak buat kerja dia then aku yang kena buat sebab at the end of the day aku yang akan kena ni macam mana, in fact I have a long list of my to do list everyday bila aku datang kerja and I tackle each and every list every single day. My job scope is too wide, and too many projects and tahu apa bos kata? 
" Beef up! " " You ni


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I just reread this and oh rupanya belum habis tulis ya this post. I don't even remember what did my boss said but I remember what happened to me. That particular month aku punya period datang dua kali, sebab stress sangat agaknya. I bleed people, and if orang lain rasa benda ni remeh then entahla sebab seumur hidup aku, aku tak pernah period sampai dua kali dalam sebulan, meaning 2 weeks of period with a gap. I am down and depressed for a few days, I cry a lot, I allow myself to be down for a week then I move on and let go.

still here still working,
but now my bos " you are good, I want you to be here" meaning staying and serving the company basically. I told him directly, Im expecting increment maximum 2 years no increment and I will leave the company. I have target in life. I serve the company and when I think I have given enough, I'll leave.